I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I need water and some morals
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
