I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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