come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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