Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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