Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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