you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
