why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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