i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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