Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
