I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
