Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
