Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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