honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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