At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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