am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
accomplished twins. life is a go
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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