Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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