I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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