I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
