If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
