he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
