This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
