grandma shit on top of the toilet
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
