What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You took a bar mat shot.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
did i just pee glitter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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