It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
