she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You did what with his pubic hair?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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