He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
