i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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