1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
