We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
