Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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