Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
