you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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