I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
