I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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