Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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