this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
