Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
