Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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