I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
