Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
