Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
