i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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