Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
