I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
