It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
