if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
