Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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