Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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