she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
