My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
