so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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