Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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