so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
