Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
