Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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