Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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